You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
