somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
