My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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