she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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