Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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