he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
