i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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