Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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