i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
