i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
