I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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