I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
