dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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