i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
