i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
