every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
whose parrot is this?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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