i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
