You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
