i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
