There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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