did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
