It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I didn't notice because vodka
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
