1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
