Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
