I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
These tits shall not be calmed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
