he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
