there's paper in my vomit.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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