He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
