Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
