i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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