Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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