So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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