I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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