I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
