Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You may now shotgun with the bride
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
