having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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