My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
