is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He shit in the fireplace
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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