Got a toothbrush?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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