Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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