It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
