I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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