i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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