Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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