my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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