what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
