dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
