Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
