were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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