you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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