Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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