farters have to be the big spoon...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
