im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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