my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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