remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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